Chapter 9 - Onward and Upward

Onto the next step...I had the final fill of my tissue expanders today. When I decided my chest size was where I wanted it to be, my doctor overfills them for extra stretch. He will use that extra room in my surgery in six weeks when he replaces the tissue expanders with permanent silicone implants. I did the math and discovered that I have roughly 2 1/2 cups of fluid in EACH expander. What a long road it has been...office visits every two weeks followed by tightness until my next visit. Each visit brings me closer to the "end of the road" where I can "put it all behind me."
Sometimes, the road should never end because we are always learning from our mistakes, growing wiser because of new knowledge, or simply remembering where we have been and where we are going. The discomfort or pain of an illness may go away with time, but the experience lasts forever. An experience is defined as "the knowledge or skill acquired by experience over a period of time" or "practical contact with, and observation of facts or events." The knowledge or skill that I acquired through the process of Stage 0 breast cancer and a double mastectomy with reconstruction is the knowledge of being kind as often as possible because life is too short. The skill of empathy for the way people deal with life's difficulties. The knowledge of using your challenges as a tool to learn from and not a tool to gain attention from others. The skill of training your brain to ignore the pain or uncomfortable feelings because thinking about it only gives more energy to it, and your energy is best used elsewhere. I learned to deal with doctors, nurses, and insurance companies as an adult for the first time...all the things maybe a parent had to do, but you never thought you had to learn. I learned the skill of asking for help when I needed it and not feeling bad for asking, but not ever using the situation I was in as a reason to have people do things for me. I gained the knowledge of the ability to handle emotions as they came up instead of choosing to deal with them one way and one way only...being flexible and going with the emotional flow. There are countless other things I learned from this "experience." I will continue to retain them until the day I leave this Earth. Experiences never go away, good or bad; they are ingrained in our memory. Some people bury them deeper and deeper, while others choose to let them appear as they may and ask, "what skill or knowledge can I learn from this memory of this experience?" Use good and bad memories to your advantage...learn and grow from them.

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